Still fuming over the last money fight with your husband or wife? Well Forbes has the list for you pointing out five money mistakes that can ruin your marriage. Before we get into these, keep in mind that it’s not too late. Many people have made these mistakes and some of them seem too “core” to do anything about. That’s far from true. Even the “core” ones can be managed. You just need to appreciate where your spouse is coming from and then meet somewhere in the middle. I know, easier said than done.
OK I won’t make you wait any longer. Here is their list (with my two cents of course).
- Materialism – valuing “things” or money over the relationship. Thanks Einstein! Seriously though, sometimes everyone needs a little reminder. How many times have you been fighting about something and then hear someone got fired, sick or died? All of a sudden that new iPod didn’t seem very important did it? You forgot all about the iPad 3 didn’t you? OK, so make sure you understand what’s really important in life.
- Having conflicting money values. They use examples like gambling and being frugal. I think I’d call these money “habits” more than values, but I get the point. Deciding how to spend money is incredibly powerful. Even just a few rules or guidelines (i.e. no bars but liquor store beer is ok) work. Of course, working together on a budget is much better.
- Adopting traditional roles when they don’t fit. My family adopted traditional roles for the most part but, as you can tell, they fit a bit. I love managing money. My wife has no interest. But we work together on big things and discuss our budget and big-picture plan. When the money in the budget is gone we stop spending. It works. Just talk about things. Have a written budget. Don’t know how? Start here.
- Having opposing money styles. Is one of you a saver and the other a spender? Well that’s a problem and you should work together, recognizing each other’s style. I know… this is pretty similar to number two but it’s not my list.
- Magical thinking – getting results without a plan. That’s right, unless you super auto-pilot investing and spend less than the rest, you’re probably not going to fall into a million dollars someday. So have a plan. Having a monthly budget and big goals is a great way to cut down the fights. If something is not consistent with a plan that you both agree on it’s easier to say “but this will set us back from buying a new car this year” and “blame it on the plan.” If you don’t have a plan then the same conversation could lead directly to a fight. So get on the same page – and put it down on a page.
Hmmm…. what do you think? Like anything it’s not perfect. But it makes good points. Having a budget and big-picture plan and maintaining a focus on what really matters in life can certainly cut down on fights and put less stress on your marriage (or any relationship).
How do I do with these things you may ask? I do well. Like anything, I tend to do stupid things every once in a while but fortunately my wife and I are both relatively cheap, are obsessed with spending less than we make and take the roles that fit us.
Sometimes we disagree on “how cheap to be” with some purchases – she’s less cheap when it comes to cars and furniture than I am. But we come to a conclusion (READ: I usually give in as long as it’s within budget and doesn’t kill our goals….) and move on. Also, having people like you stop by so I can “talk shop” really helps, so thanks for listening 
and spread the word!
Bonus: Starting a conversation with “you’re my husband/wife and it’s important to me for you to be on board with this but I was thinking of …” goes a long way. Sometimes your spouse doesn’t want to talk about money too much so you have to start a blog… But even the little conversations are worthwhile.
And don’t let me catch you saying something like “my husband is just too dense so none of this will work.” You can improve your marriage by improving yourself. Everyone can improve. Try using the intro above and end it with ”important to me to be on the same page with money so we’re not always fighting. If I put together a suggested plan or just some thoughts on a budget will you spend a few minutes with me to talk about working together to make sure we achieve all of our goals while still enjoying ourselves?” I’ve been pretty dense.
It’s amazing how effective “conversation” can be without ”drama” words and pressing buttons.
When is the last time you had a fight with your husband about money? What’s the dumbest thing you’ve said to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend about money?
One more hint: “my” and “your” are really dumb words to use in a money fight. Chances are the dumbest thing you’ve said included one of those. One final hint: pairing “mother,” “sister,” “father,” or “brother” with “my” or “your” is an even worse idea during a fight…. OK. Enough from Dr. Nick
Until next time, put your credit card down and slowly step away from the mall!
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